Measure

Happy to be part of Five Minute Friday!

Measure. The immediate mental picture was a yard stick in the hand of my mother using it to measure something. My mom was great at measuring — literally and figuratively.

My mother, may she rest in peace, was one who was conscious of what other people thought and their expectations. I don’t believe it was something she realized about herself, but as her daughter, I felt it. When I went away to church camp, I had to have new shoes or newly polished shoes, she sewed new clothing for me, and I had to make sure I was going to “look” right.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate her attention to detail.

The difficulty which came with this was thinking that the opinions of other people mattered. Truth is there are people to whom we will never be adequate, no matter how hard we try. While I don’t attempt to live my life going roughshod over the thoughts and opinions of people, there is a wisdom to being free to be yourself, the person God created you/me to be.

20 years ago when we moved home, I was in a place where I was learning who I was. I knew moving back to the home area would mean standing up for my own personal beliefs. I trusted God would give me the words I would need to say. He did. You see, in the grand scheme of mother/daughter relationships, we daughters want to measure up to our mother’s expectations. I didn’t. I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel I could. I realized the practicality of motherhood and the expectations placed on mother’s from my religious upbringing were on opposite sides of the spectrum.

I wanted to measure up to my mom, but I couldn’t, and I reached the place I didn’t want to measure up.

I am thankful to say that during our 13 years of doing life together with me as her caregiver, she came to accept me for who I am, and I accepted her for who she was — a mother who wanted her daughter, as a wife and mother, to excel and prosper in her relationships with God and family.

At this, I am able to succeed. Thank you, Mom, for all you taught me, and the values you instilled in me. I will always love you!